I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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