if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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