More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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