I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
