This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
