Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
