R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
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