I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
