Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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