guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I didn't notice because vodka
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
