Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
