cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
