Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
