she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
