And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
