I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
The best revenge is premature balding
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
