You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
