The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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