duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
