She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
