My girlfriend figured out who you are.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
