Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
