So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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