Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
His hands were made for my vagina.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
