He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
