I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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