i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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