Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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