There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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