What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
