So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
