Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
