It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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