that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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