oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
