i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
