Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I think a kid would responsible me up
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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