using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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