I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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