that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
