Pregnant stripper...not hot.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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