i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
