Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
