I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
