you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
