Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
