All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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