Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
