Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
