hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
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