Nicole vs. Life
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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